Rage

Rage is brewing inside me. It's starting to consume me, more and more daily.

Not at anyone mind you, just at life.

I've been sober over 12 years and the outcome of this week is testing even my stubbornness not to pick up a pint or a bottle of vodka.

On Tuesday my wife has to go for an operation under her skull. To sheath her trigeminal nerve. What a sentence. Until 3 week ago I never fully understood what it meant.

My brain is flitting between anger and sadness. Try as I might to be strong, I'm absolutely failing. Good portion of yesterday was wiping tears away. And as I type the buggers have returned.

The speed of seeing the specialist (he probably had a different job title but I missed it) to getting a surgery appointment took us by surprise as he claimed it's usually upto 6 months.

I'm slowly turning into a gibbering wreck 

Resurrection

Where do I start?

Not as much a question but a conundrum. 

I'm convinced my memory has been damaged by Covid back in 2020. I assume like most people, we would have thought or more to the point hoped, the cloudy like sensation would one day lift. Alas. Nope. Not a bit.

My memory has never been great but this is a noticeable change to me. Once I only forgot names of people and places, but never forgot the actual places or faces once viewed. I suppose knowing it's there is better than not. At least I can work around it.

Now, it's almost comical that I can't remember a 4 digit security code from a text into an app. 

My previous life, I worked in Research and Development, and, Quality Assurance labs. I wouldn't trust myself to go back to that. Imagine adding a reactive chemical and getting the amount wrong by a massive factor. Such as 15g instead of 0.15g 

At best this 

At worst injury and death 

PS - I love AI for quick images 

Why am I telling you this? Well, for reason that will become clear next time, over the weekend, I realised why I no longer want to write. No that's wrong. Why I think I'm scared to write. 

In the back of my head, memory fog has also messed with my motivation. No idea if covid caused that specifically or a side effect of the memory fog. 

I never stopped jotting ideas down on my phone. I just stopped the pen and paper aspect and scrawling away. 

Until next time folks. 

As the True Crime Garage podcast always ends. 

Be good, Be kind, And don't litter